


Why Do I Cling to a Memory?

by Unfried_Mouth_Wheat



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Fluff, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), I just can't write nice things, M/M, Spirit World, To atone for my sins, Tragedy, Tragic Romance, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unfried_Mouth_Wheat/pseuds/Unfried_Mouth_Wheat
Summary: Jet's dead, but not truly gone
Relationships: Jet & Zuko (Avatar), Jet/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	Why Do I Cling to a Memory?

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is 100% to make up for the other fic that I posted today. That thing was fricking putrid, holy crap

Some days it was easy to pretend that nothing had happened, that he was still there. He could pretend that he was still planning raids with his Freedom Fighters. He could pretend that he was only weightless because he was soaring through the forest, clinging on to each branch that made itself known to him. He could pretend that he reason he was sticking to Li like maple-honey sap was because he was still waiting for him to reveal himself as a fire bender. Other days it was painfully obvious, like when people walked straight through him and only Mushi could see him.

Jet was dead, and no amount of pretending was going to fix that. There was nothing more sobering than looking down at himself only to find a wispy faded form. He had no body anymore, no voice that could be heard or touch that could be felt. The only person who even noticed him was Mushi, and the man never looked to happy when he spotted him lingering around his nephew. Not like he could do anything to a dead guy though.

When he had first looked down at his body, he thought it was some elaborate joke. Some trick that the Dai Li had pulled. The universe never liked to give him luck though. He had to sit and watch as Smellerbee sobbed over his body. He had to watch as Longshot pulled her away. He had to watch as he got buried in rubble and water. He had never seen Smellerbee so sad or Longshot so emotionless. It was frightening.

In all the stories that he had heard about the spirit world, he had never heard about there being layers. There was what he likes to call The Surface, where he spent most of his time. It was where the Physical world met with the Spirit world. In certain places, the energy was so aligned that spirits could be seen and actually interact with the Physical world. Those areas were as far away from Ba Sing Se as possible. He had encountered a long list of other spirits on The Surface, mainly people who wanted to see how their children were doing or who had died fighting for the city. When he had traveled to the Outer Wall, he had met a Fire Nation spirit sitting under a tree. He had tried to initiate a fight, but the spirit refused. 

"Fighting was the thing that landed me like this. I'm tried of fighting." He had said. The way the spirit spoke and looked reminded him of Mushi, and in someway, that was comforting to Jet. It shouldn't have been, but it was.

The spirit's name was Lu Ten. Sometimes he would sit down with him and listen to him talk about what it was like to be on the opposite side of the siege. It was an interesting experience to hear about the war from a different perspective. Even more interesting was that fact that Lu Ten didn't seem proud of what he had done. Jet couldn't help but feel for the man. It wasn't like he'd be able to exact his revenge on the Fire Nation like this after all.

The second layer, Jet didn't really have a name for it just yet, was much different than The Surface. It was a weird place, that was for sure. The creatures that inhabited it were colorful and bright. The land itself shifted and changed with your emotions. Jet didn't like visiting the second layer much. It was always dark and angry whenever he went there.

The third, and final, layer was what he simply called Memory. It was a twisted and odd environment, expanding in ways that he didn't quite understand. It was almost scary, yet not at the same time. The biggest feature that Jet didn't quite care for was it's ability to show him the past. He didn't like having his mistakes thrown back at him. It was how he linked Lu Ten and Mushi together though. He didn't like using the old man's real name, and the same went for Li. He didn't like spending much time down there either. At least it overlapped with the Physical world as well. He preferred to stay on The Surface. It was the layer that he was most familiar with.

When Li had gotten sick, Jet was torn. On one hand, he felt it's what they deserved. Both Li and Mushi were Fire Nation. Mushi had been a general, The Dragon of the West. Li had been royalty. They deserved every speck of torment that was being given to them right now. Then, on the other hand, he had seen their lives. He hadn't intended to watch Lu Ten's death and the subsequent unraveling of the General. He had not intended to see how Li's mother left him to his father, to see said father form that scar. Yet, he had, and he felt the pain just as much as they did.

Maybe they did truly just want a simple life now. Maybe they did just want to serve tea, safe within the city walls. Jet wasn't one to feel regret, but this was the closest he had came to it.

This all crashed together when he made the decision to sit and watch over Li while he slept through his sickness. Mushi noticed, and didn't look too happy about it, but left him alone. He felt that was for the best. He didn't know what he would say to the old man anyways. 

On the days when Li would whimper in his sleep, he'd sit close to him. Close enough to run his fingers through Li's growing hair. He'd need it to be cut soon. Jet didn't know what he feelings for Li were anymore. On the ferry it had been simple attraction. He looked good and had a skill set that could really help them out. When he had seen the steam coming out of that leaf cup, he had felt nothing but blind rage. He had done so much to stay away from the Fire Nation, and he had just shared a meal with one of them. When he was fighting with Aang, his head had been too fuzzy and unfocused to even think about him.

Jet knew he couldn't feel love. The last time he could genuinely say he had loved was when his parents were still with him. When his village wasn't just a burnt wreckage. He had condemned himself to the only part of it that hadn't been turned to ash, the wheat field. He didn't leave until he was dragged out of it after a month. When he was found he was unconscious, having barely eaten or drank anything. By the end of it, he had closed of his mind and heart to everyone. After all, what was the point of he was just going to loose them? The people who had come closet to finding their way in were his Freedom Fighters, but even then he forced himself to be distant. He was familiar with war, weapons, and fighting. He had made himself forget what love was like, and he honesty didn't want to go back.

He didn't want to feel anything more than attraction for Li, so he made sure that he wouldn't. He just couldn't afford that kind of stupidity. Not like it mattered anymore. Li didn't know that he was running his fingers through his hair. Li didn't know that he blocked himself away from everyone. Li didn't know that he had no clue what he felt whenever he imagined being close to him. And Li would never know. Li didn't need to know. It would only trouble him. He didn't want Li clinging on to faded and angry memories. He didn't want Li to have to bear that weight on his already heavy shoulders.

That's why it had hurt when Li sided with his cruel sister.

That's why it had hurt when Li left the palace.

That's why it had hurt when Zuko joined Aang and the others.

That's why it had hurt when Zuko asked about him in that awful play.

That's why it had hurt when Zuko became the new Fire Lord.

He wanted to be there. He wanted to see Zuko in real time. He wanted Zuko to see him. 

Maybe that's why he felt the pain. Maybe that was why he wanted everything to just go back. Back to when it was simple.

Maybe he was the one who needed to stop clinging on to memories.


End file.
